The Latest On My Knee (and it's not good)

I wasn't going to say anything about my knee but if I need to get this out.

I haven't felt like blogging much lately. You can thank my fucked up knee for that.

It's been over three months since I had my first surgery. I've been up and walking for a few weeks now. At first, it felt weird to do that, after not using my leg for so long. I thought eventually I would do better with walking and I stupidly thought everything would get back to how it was before I fell. But it hasn't gotten any better. For one thing, I can tell there's something in my knee (stainless steel plate, anyone?). I can walk but that's about it. I can't kneel (I can really feel the plate then), I can't squat, and I can't bend my leg much unless I'm sitting down. I have no feeling in my lower leg, right below my knee. I could stick myself with a pin and not even know it. And, my foot has been swelling so much. I couldn't put on a shoe if I wanted.

I am so disappointed. Why in the world did I have the operation if all I got out of it was a bum knee? I should have just been put in a cast for three months because the surgery obviously didn't do anything for me except fuck up my leg.

Once upon a time, I was a preschool teacher. I can't see me going back to that if I can't sit on the floor with the kids, or get down to their level to talk to them, or pick them up and carry them, or chase after them. I used to ride a tricycle on the playground. Seriously. I never imagined the inability to do the hokey pokey would mean I couldn't work. I'm really glad I wasn't a skier, snowboarder, surfer, or tap dancer before this happened.

I go back to the orthopedic surgeon on Monday and he had better give me some good news. I have a feeling he is going to suggest removing the plate, but that's more surgery, more stitches, and the risk of another infection. And, not something I'm ready to sign up for. I'll only do it if I get a guarantee that I will have full use of my leg once the incision heals.

Sorry to be so negative. I just can't believe what a mess this is.